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Studies: Parents are the first line of defense By Brittany Lyte Updated: 12/17/2009 02:25:16 PM EST Teens whose parents regularly discuss the dangers of marijuana with them have a 5 percent chance of using the drug, compared to a 45 percent chance for teens whose parents shy away from the subject. This statistic is part of Courageous Parenting 101, a free class that educates parents about how to better prevent their child from using drugs or alcohol. The class is sponsored by the Courage to Speak Foundation, a Norwalk-based non-profit launched by Ginger Katz in 1996 after her 20-year-old son, Ian, died of a drug overdose in his bedroom the night before he was scheduled to enter into a rehab program. The number one deterrent, Katz said, is a parent talking to their child on a regular basis about not doing drugs. Only one in three parents do this, she said. Parents should start an open dialogue with their child about drugs and alcohol as early as first grade, according to Katz. Parents of elementary school students can begin with age-appropriate messages about the dangers of the pills in the medicine cabinet, she said. Katz also suggests that parents encourage their youngsters to keep out of smoky rooms to help them develop a "sense of wrong" about cigarettes rather than a "sense of cool." "It's not something you wait to do when you first find out they're smoking marijuana," Katz said. To parents who think that elementary school students are too young for conversations about drugs and alcohol, Katz answers with a statistic from the American Pediatric Association: one in five children have been drunk from alcohol by the fifth grade. New Canaan resident Marea Dumbauld is a mother to a 9-year-old son, a 13-year-old son, a 15-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old daughter. Dumbauld said she began talking with her children about alcohol and drug use when they were toddlers. If her 2-year-old asked for a sip of her alcoholic drink, she said, she would decline and explain that it was an "adult beverage." "We talk constantly," Dumbauld said. "We have a completely open dialogue and I'm realistic with them about what's going on. Sometimes I'm not thrilled about everything I hear, but I don't want to punish them for being open with me." According to Katz, it's important for parents to come to terms with the fact the drug and alcohol experimentation is normal among teens. "The first time you catch your son or daughter drinking beer or smoking pot, it's a mistake," Katz said. "Kids make mistakes. There's no reason to get alarmed." She added: "They're all good kids, they just have to make good decisions. And parents have to help them. That's why it's so important to learn everything that your child is exposed to and every peer that they are associated with. Don't think just because he's an athlete or gets good grades that he's not drinking beers or smoking pot or popping pills." Katz learned that her son Ian was experimenting with marijuana when he was a sophomore in high school. Ian denied his involvement with drugs, she said, but a drug test told her otherwise. "A year later, in Ian's junior year, I remember him practicing on the lacrosse field and thinking, 'He's not doing drugs -- he's playing lacrosse; he's getting good grades; he has a wonderful girlfriend,'" Katz said. "And I remember thinking, 'Oh, my goodness, I'm so relieved,' because the year before he had made a mistake and he had gotten involved in marijuana. And little did I know his friend was holding him through the night while he was having a PCP trip that same year. It's easy for parents to miss because kids cover up." Ian's drug habits accelerated when he entered college at the University of Hartford. As a freshman, he drank alcohol at bars. According to Katz, Ian first tried cocaine at a bar near campus. One of Ian's floor mates was a heroin addict, and one night he gave Ian and two other boys on the floor a small packet of heroin, Katz said. That offering would ultimately lead to Ian's death. "When I sent Ian to college for higher learning, he came back high," Katz said. "And many of [his college friends'] parents called me after Ian died and [said] their kids were in rehab. Be sure your child is ready [for college] and if he's exhibiting drinking and any other drug use, don't send him away. Be cautious. Send him locally. You do not want to spend your money so your child can get high instead of higher learning." When Katz realized that Ian was deep into heroin addiction, she sought counseling and rehab for her son. But for Ian, she said, help came too late. "Ian called up crying [and] begging for help from college because he was addicted to a drug and he couldn't stop," Katz said. "We tried to save him, but it's very hard once your child is addicted to a drug. This is one thing parents can't get their kids out of. It's up to the individual. As a parent, once the addiction sets in, you're kind of powerless." Chappy Leboond, 25, is a New Canaan-bred former addict. He began meddling with drugs and alcohol at age 11, he said. He has been sober for 22 months. "The best thing is not to get on the case of your kid [if he is addicted to drugs]," Leboond said. "Let them hit rock bottom. Otherwise, they will sneak around and the situation will get worse. Voice your concern, but you can't force us to get better or to want to change. We're stubborn people." Leboond recommends that parents leave aid booklets out on tables and shelves in common areas around the house rather than pushing rehabilitation on their child. "I know I never opened up to adults -- I didn't trust them," he said. "Especially doctors because I know they would tell my parents everything. I didn't want my parents to know what I really wanted to talk about "¦ so I lied my butt off. For 14 years I kept a barrier up." Dr. Sandra Gomez is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Silver Hill Hospital. Silver Hill is a psychiatric hospital with specialized programs for drug detoxification and addiction rehabilitation. According to Gomez, parents should try to discern a substance abuse problem from normal experimental behavior. "After the first instance [of drug use], it is important to find out if they did it to experiment with a social group, which is normal adolescent behavior, or if there is a deeper problem like depression or anxiety that is causing the adolescent to use drugs or alcohol," Gomez said. Parents should be alarmed, Gomez said, with every instance of use after that first mistake. Parents in affluent areas like New Canaan, Gomez said, are more likely to be in denial about their teen's drug use. Often, she said, parents think their child is immune to the dangers of drugs and alcohol because if their child is smart, popular or was raised by a family with money. But drug addiction, Gomez said, does not discriminate. "One of the things that struck me the most when I started working here "¦ is that when people in this area do come to the hospital, they are so sick because they are reluctant to get services before it gets out of control "¦ I think it's because this community [has the self-perception] that everything needs to be perfect and everyone needs to be so well put together "¦ there's a lot more stigma here," Gomez said. "It's always interesting to me because sometimes the evidence is so clear and [parents] are still resisting that there's a problem," Gomez said. "We are very concerned because sometimes at the end of our program we send the kids home and the parents are still in denial and the kids relapse. For us, working with the whole family is very, very important." According to Gomez, while teen alcohol consumption and substance abuse was declining nationally last year, the numbers for Connecticut remained stagnant. "I don't want to sound pessimistic and say that the parents can't tackle this situation, but in my experience 99 percent of the time they are going to need help," Gomez said. Silver Hill Hospital offers teens struggling with substance abuse a short-term in-patient program with medically oriented services like detoxification. The program, open to teens ages 13 to 18, usually takes seven to 10 days to complete. In November 2008, Silver Hill instituted a new long-term residential program for medically stable 13 to 18-year-old substance abusers. The 28-day minimum program dually treats the psychological issues that motivate substance abuse, like depression or anxiety, and the substance abuse itself. Weekly teen-oriented Alcoholics Anonymous sessions are also available specifically to youths with problematic drinking habits in Greenwich, Danbury and Fairfield. Silver Hill hosted a weekly teen AA meeting, which fizzled out in July after five months due to poor attendance. "It was hard to motivate 15 to 26-year-olds to come out to a meeting at 7 p.m. on a Friday night," Leboond said of the program cancelation. The Sunday evening meeting in Danbury, Leboond said, is very successful and draws between 100 and 150 teens each week. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, Leboond said, are safe and comfortable settings where teens can discuss their addiction problems with other adolescents with the knowledge that everything shared during a meeting is completely confidential. Silver Hill also hosts Wednesday evening AL-ANON groups for parents of teen drinkers. According to Gomez, if the family of a person who is being treated for addiction also seeks help from groups like AL-ANON, the substance abuser's chance of recovery increases by 30 percent. |
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